Loneliness to Solitude

Do you know 61% of the Americans feel lonely ?

Do you know

A college lad can feel lonely though surrounded by roommates and friends.

A soldier can feel lonely while on duty though he is surrounded with his troop.

A person who got recently married can feel lonely after moving to a new place.

A person working on a project can feel lonely after it is done.

If one has plenty of social contacts, this can trigger loneliness as there is no time to maintain quality in the relationship.

A lack of authenticity in relationships can result in feelings of loneliness.

Not having a quiet presence in the home can also sometimes triggers loneliness.

What is Loneliness?

It is just a feeling of being alone along with the feeling of isolation.

Remember, It is a common feeling similar to hunger, anger, fear etc.

Just like when you are angry, you become irritated, anxious, emotional.

Similarly, loneliness has some symptoms.

It includes the feeling of being empty, unwanted and most importantly isolated.

How much ever empathetic a person is, they come into this self- preservative mode and try finding ways to get loved.

Why do you feel lonely?

There are many reasons why a person feels lonely.

 

It can be due to lower self esteem or change in bond with an important person in your life, change in the work that you were doing or change in the social group and feeling yourself unfit there. 

 

You may throw the cause of loneliness onto a specific person and it might be true too but that is not the case most of the time. It might not be because of the person, it could be because of the change in bond or the emotional dependency you have on that person.

 

Some people have lot of connections and still they feel lonely. You see everyone wanting be his friend. But in his eyes they are only seen as admirers or people connected only for a material gain. It is very important to maintain a quality in relationship.

What you need when you are lonely:

Remember, All you need is a quality in your connection. It's not dependent on the quantity of friends you have, it is more dependent on quality in that relationships.

 

How to overcome Loneliness:

 

Best way to overcome loneliness is by understanding yourself. Understanding what’s happening in your brain when you come into this self-preservation mode is very important. 

Changing your perspective on other people when you feel lonely is the best way to overcome loneliness.

 

Have you ever felt unwanted and not cared by certain people and then extreme affectionate again? This was just dependent on your state of mind.

Don't lose the empathetic nature and  keep remind yourself that the negativity that you are feeling is just because of the loneliness.

 

Just being good to yourself never solves the loneliness. Being good and empathetic to others is very important.

 

Tricks and suggestions to overcome loneliness:

 

Mantra is Being loved and loving others

• Start your day by writing one good thing about 3 different people in your life and one genuine wish that you wish for them. (Don't just think, write it down) (Do it for 40 days, you will surely see the change)
• Whenever you feel negative about a situation or person, write the opposite of that feeling. For example, let's say, one of you friend has slammed the door harshly and you were angry on that. Now, write about the opposite reason that you are feeling for that situation. Something like, May be, he is in an urgency of completing the project. He must have slammed the door by mistake. 
• Remember, quality in friendship matters more than quantity.
• Seek people who share common interests and start sharing thoughts and work together on it if possible.
• Take opportunity to love others. This can be done by community serving activities.
• Write what’s happening in your mind and differentiate between what's happening and what you would actually do when you are normal.
• Appreciate others in a creative way. Their happiness/response would make your day.
• Try accepting the changes by setting goals. For example, accept that one thing in your life that is bothering you and set a goal of doing it for 40 days.
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Journey from Loneliness to Solitude:

The only way to enjoy the feeling of being alone is to love.

 

Give a little love of your own to yourself and to others and you will see that getting multiplied.

 

Remember,

 

Kindness is a great way to start to deal with loneliness. But the answer is not just be happy. It is also to treat everyone well

 

Reference:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/feb/28/loneliness-is-like-an-iceberg-john-cacioppo-social-neuroscience-interview